This concern is even more severe among people of color who endure the effects of structural and interpersonal racism daily. A 2021 study found that 75% of Hispanic adults and 68% of Black/African American adults experience loneliness, compared to 58% of the general population (Cigna, 2021). When feeling lonely, Regina withdraws, thinking “no one wants to be around me.” Thus, she struggles to connect with others, even current friends.
How To Maintain Friendships Over Long Distances: 15 Ways To Keep The Bond Strong
These trends are concerning, given that an individual’s social connections greatly influence their mental and physical health (Richard et al., 2017). Loneliness is linked to multiple mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression (Hutten et al., 2021). Social support, however, reduces the risk of poor mental health.
Self-compassion also can help to build confidence for anxiously attached individuals who commonly assume rejection. A meta-analysis found that those with high self-compassion tend to have secure attachment styles and more conflict-resolution skills (Lathren et al., 2021). These findings suggest that self-compassion could aid in initiating and maintaining friendships via increased vulnerability and secure attachment. Individuals who are anxiously attached fear abandonment. Unlike securely attached people, they do not modulate their interactions based on reciprocity from the other person. For example, like securely attached individuals, anxiously attached people are more likely to enjoy interacting with a high-disclosing individual and to self-disclose themselves.
Make the effort to reconnect and then turn your “online” friends into “real-world” friends by meeting up for coffee instead of chatting on Facebook or Twitter. Technology has shifted the definition of friendship in recent years. With the click of a button, we can add a friend or make a new connection. But having hundreds of online friends is not the same as having a close friend you can spend time with in person.
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What’s fascinating is that these deep friendships literally change our brain structure. When we maintain close relationships over decades, our brains develop what researchers call «interpersonal synchrony». That is, our neural patterns begin to mirror each other’s, creating a biological basis for that «finishing each other’s sentences» phenomenon. Unlike family relationships or romantic partnerships, friendships are entirely voluntary.
By addressing limiting beliefs and prioritising self-care, we can recognise our inherent value and build a foundation for meaningful and fulfilling relationships. Engaging in mutual interests provides a platform for friends to connect on a deeper level and learn from each other. It’s not just about the activity but the shared experience and the joy of discovering new aspects of your friendship through these common interests. Striking the right balance between responsiveness and giving space is paramount in maintaining healthy and respectful friendships. Being too distant can seem disinterested while being overly persistent can be perceived as intrusive. Finding a middle ground that demonstrates your care and interest without overstepping boundaries is necessary.
You can even make a simple letter more exciting by placing a small polaroid or funny dollar store item in the envelope. Knowing the time and energy to send a letter shows your value of a friendship. This is likely to be particularly true if your life paths diverged—if one of you chose to have children, for example, and the other did not. However, you may also find that once your children are ‘grown and flown’, you and your old friends are doing similar things, and you want to spend time together again. This means that the people that you were closest to then may not be those that you want to spend time with now or later in life. However, it is important to remember that people—and therefore friendships—change and evolve.
Volunteering also gives you the opportunity to regularly practice and develop your social skills. Switch off https://www.crunchbase.com/organization/thisromance your smartphone, avoid other distractions, and make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Small efforts go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life. If you are introverted or shy, it can feel uncomfortable to put yourself out there socially.
«I’ve been feeling like I’m the only one initiating contact» is better said than silently resented. Honesty prevents misunderstandings and hurt feelings that can develop when someone feels ignored. Instead of going silent when you’re overwhelmed, communicate about it. «I’m swamped this week but let’s talk this weekend» is so much better than disappearing. Your friend will understand busy periods if you’re upfront about them.
- Acknowledge the problem, validate their feelings, and apologize if you could and should have done something differently.
- Texting maintains baseline connection but rarely deepens it.
- Take this quiz and get a custom report based on your unique personality and goals.
- It’s a matter of shifting the prism, just a little, on how you look at friendships.
- For two people to keep friends, both need to make an effort to reach out to each other.
Evolutionarily, friendship has played a vital role in our survival and happiness and continues to offer emotional support, practical help, and social bonding still today. While friends can come in all shapes, sizes, and behaviors, when it comes to who we consider good friends, we often have the desire to strengthen the friendship and deepen the bond. In summary, maintaining friendships can be complex, and vital to wellbeing. Each strategy outlined above contributes to building strong, respectful, enjoyable connections with friends.
Most had “activity buddies,” friends who they knew from their kids’ school or from work or from a pottery class. Some had “wine night” friends who they saw occasionally for a glass of wine and a general catch-up. And others had “movie friends,” men or women with whom they went to a show or a concert. You probably have seen articles about how important friendships are for our psychological, emotional, and physical health. Friends help us celebrate good times, but they are especially important when times are tough. “Be yourself” is some of the oldest advice about making friends, but to keep friends, there may need to be a bit more to it.
Our most important and powerful connections happen when we’re face-to-face. So make it a priority to stay in touch in the real world, not just online. Friendships are fundamental to our need, as humans, to belong.
Thus, fear of rejection—which coincides with loneliness—may become a self-fulfilling prophecy by triggering avoidance of others, egotistical behavior, and hostility. Regina is a 19-year-old White, cisgender female college student. She struggles to make new friends, rarely initiating friendships.
Historic redlining in the 1930s created geographical boundaries that prevented Black people from purchasing homes in «White» and «more favorable» neighborhoods (Woods, 2012). This segregation has had lasting impacts and continues to prevent multiracial communities and subsequent connections. Propinquity theory describes that individuals form friendships usually through proximity and frequent contact (Nahemow & Lawton, 1975). Disconnection implemented through segregated housing legislation, therefore, impedes interracial connections. Secure people display more behaviors that allow them to cultivate and sustain friendships.
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Make sure you are utilizing this route when you’re really just falling behind. If you’re blatantly ignoring communication, that’s a completely different story. No matter how far apart you are from this friend, reaching out to see how your girl is doing instills your closeness.
To keep your relationships strong and healthy, be a good friend. Healthy friendships are reciprocal, with plenty of give-and-take. “Be as good to your friends as you want them to be to you,” Cazeau says. Catch up on what’s happening in your lives to reconnect and keep your bond strong. Communication scientists claim that a technology platform’s richness matters. Platforms like video chat are rich with nonverbal cues like tone of voice, facial expressions, and eye gaze, whereas text and email are lean.
You might also find this list of deep questions to ask your friends helpful for keeping a conversation going. You get 100% free personalized tips based on your results. If you need advice or support from your friend, ask for it. A good friend will be willing to listen to your problems.
Discover the transformative power of genuine kindness, from understanding the psychological and physical benefits of being kind, to exploring the oft-overlooked importance of self-compassion. Learn practical tips for being authentically kind in relationships, at work, and more. Embrace small, consistent steps to enhance your personal wellbeing and make a lasting impact on those around you. “Even bringing this idea to the table shows that you care about them, and you want that consistency baked into your friendship,” she says.
It is possible to keep friendships going at a distance, even over a long period. There are some friends that you have known for so long, or been so close to, that distance and even time become irrelevant. There are several important things that you can do to help ensure that your friendships stay happy and healthy. Even if you’re busy with work and family, take a short break to check in on a friend.
Consistency is key when it comes to maintaining friendships via online messaging. Regular check-ins, even if brief, help keep the connection alive and demonstrate that you value the relationship. Schedule weekly or bi-weekly messages to catch up, share updates, or just say hello.
You do not need daily texting to maintain a friendship. Some friends talk every day.Others reconnect once a week.Some reconnect after months. One of the healthiest signs of a strong friendship is the absence of pressure. In other words, a friendship does not need constant texting to stay alive. It turns out that friendships were never meant to be measured by message counts. It turns out that activity buddies are just as important for our mental and physical well-being as the deeply intimate (and often angst-filled) relationships with our BFF.